Experiencing Separation or Divorce?SHARED PARENTING
Experiencing separation or divorce? Are you concerned about sharing parenting responsibilities? The following are some of the most common parenting concerns when adult relationships end: The following are some of the most common signs of family problems:
- My partner keeps threatening to take the children away from me if I leave the relationship.
- How do I stay involved in my children’s lives once we separate?
- How will we communicate about the children if we communicated poorly while we were together?
- My children are being turned against me.
- How do we make sure that the children are not impacted by our break-up?
- I am unsure how to navigate the legal system and family court.
- Do the children really need both of us in their lives?
- When the children return from visitation they seem to have forgotten my rules.
- Is it better to stay in a poor relationship for the children?
- The children are telling each of us different stories and/or delivering parenting messages.
- How do we keep the children out of our separation issues?
- I am worried about what is occurring while the children are visiting in my ex partner’s home.
If you are experiencing one or more of these signs, Brief Therapy can help.
When you and your partner made the commitment of partnership or marriage, the expectation was a long lasting relationship. Unfortunately, your relationship ended sooner than you had hoped.
Impactful changes such as separation or divorce, or shared parenting and visitation issues affect all members of the family. If handled poorly these changes can damage the relationship you, your ex-partner and your children, as well as your children’s ability to form healthy connections with others. If handled properly, we can minimize the negative aftermath and start on the road to healing.
Respect, trust, and support are especially important in helping a family resolve conflicting divorce issues. Brief Therapy gives you the tools to provide that respect, trust, and support your family needs. When facing critical shared parenting challenges associated with a separation or divorce, family members may need help avoiding or reversing destructive patterns. Using Brief Family Therapy to assist with challenges- parenting time coordination, unresolved anger, parental alienation, supervised parenting time, communication difficulties, establishing rules in two households, dating or remarriage- family members can work towards an effective resolution that will benefit both children and parents long term.
Working collaboratively with Dr. Stulberg, you will learn leading edge and constructive approaches that will reduce the hurt, foster positive interactions, and allow trust to develop. Long standing hostility may be replaced with positive behaviors. Collaboratively, family members can learn to support and feel safe with one another.
Watch Dr. Tracey Stulberg featured on CMNtv below.
How to choose a Family Therapist
- Make sure that you have chosen a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). Licensed marriage and family therapists are mental health professionals with a minimum of a master's degree in marriage and family therapy and 200 hours of supervised clinical experience by a licensed marriage and family therapist.
- Make sure that your LMFT has specific training and experience in marriage and family therapy. Are they a clinical fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)? Clinical fellows of AAMFT are LMFTs specifically trained to diagnose and treat relationship problems from a systemic perspective and are experienced in providing marriage counseling. Make sure that your marriage counselor is a LMFT and clinical fellow of AAMFT.
- Think with your gut. I tell all of my clients, you are the consumer. If you feel that your marriage counselor is helping, then you will know in a few sessions. Stick with it, even when the work is hard. Trust your gut.
That is not a problem!
As a Brief Family Therapist, I often hear you say that when the courts have mandated that you come see me for parenting time conflicts.Both you and your ex partner blame one another or the court system for issues that are affecting the children, yet neither of you believe that your behavior is a problem. You may even feel as if Brief Family Therapy will just make the problem worse. I respect that perception and hope that through our work together you may invite me to be a part of the solution.
The process of “mutual inquiry” allows you to identify your beliefs, intentions and a more desirable and appropriate view of you and your behavior. This integral feature of the brief collaborative approach often allows all of your family members to share responsibility and ownership and work towards your more preferred view. For example, by asking each of you what it would take to get your relationships to be as you described, you can begin to envision novel possibilities for a healthy future with your children and perhaps your ex-partner. Those possibilities often generate opportunities and actions that help redirect and reclaim your most important relationships.
Facing a shared parenting crisis? I would welcome the opportunity to collaborate with you and be part of the solution.
